Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
