I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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