White coat. Heels.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
