Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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