just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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