I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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