dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
