your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
