I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
