There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We need to rekindle our bromance
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
