Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
