If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
