He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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