Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want a musical about memes.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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