I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
