Someone shit on the floor
I wanna passion pit in your ass
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
