I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
