I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
