Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
