Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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