there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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