i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
