You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
