he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
