I wish I could teleport
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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