I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
