i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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