I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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