Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
