If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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