He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
