wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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