Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize