All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
