ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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