I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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