shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
