i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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