apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
