my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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