just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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