ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
