Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need to calm my uterus...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
