I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
