His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize