sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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