My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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