Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
