What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
