Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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