It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I will pee on everything he values.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
