So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
