Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize