Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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