I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
