A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dear god my vagina.
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