the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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