Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
