Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
