I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize