It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
