Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
