if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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