I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
