two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
