rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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