dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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